Disco Bloodbath!

So here is the excerpt I had chosen to use/read for Thursday's class:

**As mentioned before, it is from James St. James' semi-embellished/fictionalized recounting of his days as a Manhattan 'club kid'-du-jour/heavy drug addict.

Originally "Disco Bloodbath" (turned "Party Monster" for the motion picture adaptation), the excerpt touches on themes of being inextricably addicted to engaging in activities/actions which inevitably lead to often disastrous, life-changing outcomes - whether with active or passive intention. It also touches on the metaphor of the 'speeding train/vehicle/etc.' - one can't be moved to help, yet cannot help but to continue looking on in a fixed state of horror/adrenaline/excitement. 

Unlike the general focus of the class and texts being studied, this excerpt/text centers around the controlling and reckless relationship between the junkie and his/her drug fix. The drugs act as the catalyst for deceit - the addictive promise for one to experience states of ecstasy and spiritual/mental/physical awakening - only to betray their user, catapulting them into dark and forboding situations/scenarios. 

Enjoy!

" There are times, when the drugs are flowing and the emotions are running high, the lights and music can make you dizzy - and the world slips out of control.

It's like a car accident that happens too quickly...you can't stop it, you can't think about it, you just have to lean back, and watch as everything changes forever.

You've lost control, you say to yourself, as the wheel of the world slips from your hands - 'It's happening too fast' - and all you can do is sit and wait for the ride to end, the car to crash, the world to stop.

It's like chasing after time, chasing after things that have already happened, because the drugs have made you too slow. You're thick and awkward, but if you can just catch up, then maybe you can grab it, maybe you can grab at time and stop it - 

But no.

It's already happened.

You have no choice. Play it out.

That's how Michael described to me the moments leading up to the murder. That's the way he described killing Angel."

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What is it within us that drives us to choose an action that will essentially lead us to make other life-altering choices - subsequent choices which have escaped our immediate control? And in knowing that such a choice will lead to circumstances which escape our control, what drives us to forge onward, one repeat performance after the next? 

Just some thoughts..at least thoughts I find myself left pondering..

-Jared